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| Here's a list of advantages and disadvantages to
adopting an older child or a sibling group. People don't
think of domestic, older child adoption as an option these days,
especially because the kids are called "special needs" children.
"Special needs" can mean that a child has a severe medical or
emotional condition, but it can also mean that a child is not an
infant, is a member of a minority group, or that they simply
need to be placed with siblings. |
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Advantage #1 -
"Cost" |
Compared to the cost of adopting a domestic infant ($10,000
for many agencies), or an international child ($25,000 in some
cases including travel), domestic adoption of a sibling group or
older child is considerably less expensive, in fact, it's
basically free. Usually, the state you are adopting from
doesn't charge a fee, and they cover all the legal costs.
And what's more, there is a good chance you will even get a
subsidy for adopting! That means they will help pay you to
raise these precious kids! This makes it possible for
people to adopt large sibling groups without going broke
financially. |
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Advantage #2 -
"Catch up" |
If you are a couple who has experienced infertility, you may
wonder how you will ever have a large family through adoption.
Maybe you have an older biological child and you feel as though
the "window of time" is closing for him or her to have a sibling
of the same age. Well, when you adopt an older child or a
sibling group, not only can you "catch up" on the number of
children in your family, you can also adopt a child around the
same age as other children in the family. You don't have
to start from birth. |
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Advantage #3 -
"You choose" |
When couples try to adopt a domestic infant, they are
usually placed on a waiting list and they can wait for years
until a birth mother chooses their profile from hundreds of
others. When adopting internationally, couples usually
wait a long period of time for referral of a child, and then are
expected to take the referral they get or face another period of
waiting. With domestic adoption of older children and
sibling groups, you get to choose which children you are
interested in and send inquiries on those children. |
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Advantage #4 -
"You can see who
they are" |
This may sound crazy, but one of the big advantages to me of
adopting older children is that you can see who they are and who
they are becoming. If you adopt an infant, you don't often
know what they will look like, what kind of tendencies they will
have (such as likes and dislikes, academic ability, talents) or
what kind of a person they will become. You often know
very little about the birth parents. With older child
adoption, you can be more choosy. Even though you may not
know much about the birth parents in an older child adoption,
these kids are already developing features they will have for a
lifetime. You can see their face, their hair, if they do
well in school, what they like to do, and all those other
things. You can choose boys or girls, or a combination of
both. You can "see" your child before he or she comes to
you. |
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Advantage #5 -
"Independence" |
Let's face it, babies are cute and cuddly and all of that,
but they demand much more of our time and effort than an older
child does. It's true, many kids coming from foster care
need lots of love and attention. But since they are older,
they require less of the concentrated effort that babies demand,
like changing diapers, feeding them with a spoon, strollers,
etc. With older children, you get an immediate family and
you can go on family outings like camping, hiking, weekend
trips, or a week at the beach without having to wait for the
newest member of the household to be able to walk along with the
others, or eat by themselves, or go to the bathroom, or bathe or
pile into the van without assistance. |
| Here's the biggie.
Kids from the foster care system are there for a reason.
There are varying degrees of neglect and abuse that these kids
have experienced, and to some potential parents, it makes them
untouchable. Some of these kids have huge developmental
delays, some have minor, fixable conditions. Some may need
major behavior modifications, some may need a little help
catching up educationally. The beauty of the system is,
though, that YOU get to decide what type of child you can or
cannot handle, and you get to read the profiles and pick which
children you are interested in. There are several kids out
there with relatively no behavioral issues, no medical issues,
and no developmental issues, and their only "fault" is that they
are in a large sibling group to be placed together.
Several have experienced mild neglect and need something as
simple as speech therapy. They are out there, they are
waiting. |
Disadvantage
#1 -
"History"
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| In order to be "paper
ready" to adopt a domestic child, you have to have a homestudy.
To get a homestudy, you need to attend several weeks of classes.
But these classes are very informative, and they are exciting to
attend if you want more information on adopting. You can
even take them on-line in some cases! Then you have to
complete a bunch of paperwork and have a social worker come to
your house a few times. It's tedious to schedule all of
this, but it's similar to the paperwork for international and
infant adoption. |
Disadvantage
#2 -
"Homestudy and
Classes"
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| Most people adopt
infants because, even though the child is not yours
biologically, it is more natural to bring a baby into the
family. You can be his or her first mother and father, and
you will know all the experiences your child has been through,
because you will be there from the start. With older child
adoption, you don't know all of your child's experiences.
You were not there for his first steps or any of the bad
experiences he may have had in his life. There have been
other people and other environments that have made up his life
this far. Though this is a valid concern, especially for
new parents, it's exciting to know a child's history and see
them overcome it. Take the child as he is, right now, and
start anew. Recognize his past, but look forward to
helping him pursue his future. |
Disadvantage
#3 -
"Other Influences"
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| I don't know if you'd
call this a disadvantage or not, but it is a quality you need to
have if you are considering adopting an older child or sibling
group. If you want a child to complete your family, and
your primary reason for wanting a child is that you want that
child to be like you and make you proud (notice how many times I
used the word YOU in that sentence?) then maybe you should
consider other options like infant adoption. If you are
willing to give up a little piece of your life to help a child
reach his full potential and ultimately have the satisfaction of
knowing that you helped him have a better life and helped him to
know God and may have had an impact on one precious soul who
otherwise wouldn't have had a chance, then please look into
adopting an older child or sibling group. If you DO fit
this description, a child needs you desperately... |
Disadvantage
#4 -
"Selflessness"
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Adoption is a very individual
decision, and it will affect your life no matter which type of
adoption you choose. Domestic infant adoption,
international adoption, minority adoption, older child adoption,
and sibling group adoption all have their advantages and
disadvantages. But they all have one thing in common...they
give a child a chance. I am very passionate about
helping these kids. They are all God's precious souls.
God's tiny, precious souls.
Hear "A Child With a Soul" from Sherri's "For The
Children" CD
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